You know how you read along or listen to a song, and all of a sudden a lyric or sentence jumps out at you and makes you think? It’s one of those “Aha” moments when you say, “That’s what so-and-so meant!” Or—if you’re like me—you look for those moments, and when you least suspect one, BAM, it hits you between the eyes.
Well, I just had one.
I have a Pinterest account, with lots of boards and pins, and two of my boards are called, “Things I Think” and “Things That Guide Me.” I saved the title of today’s Blog as a reminder to myself because, for the last year, I decided to make creating beauty my life, and Cut + Paste is one of the ways I do that. It has been a week since my last blog, so I scoured around for something to say, when I saw this post and decided to show you the floor, now that it’s had a chance to dry and get a coat of seal. As I typed the words onto the floor and looked at the pin, to make sure I had it right, the “restore your own soul” leaped out at me. And I realized about five things, simultaneously (in the old days, I would have called it a head rush).
1. I have asked myself, endlessly, for the last six months WHY this project was taking so long. It was supposed to take 30 days, and it was supposed to be done October 31, and . . . it still isn’t complete. I have watched my 401K disappear before my eyes in this time . . . but I have been learning to trust the process of life, so I haven’t freaked out.
2. I learned what it is to have an intention—to be a successful self-employed entrepreneur—but not have any attachment to the outcome. Between teaching, writing, designing and creating/representing other artists, something’s bound to stick, right? I had an adjustment at the chiropractor’s office a couple weeks ago, and when he asked me what I was doing to create the knots in my neck and shoulders, I said, “Failing at learning to let go. I’m starting a business and building an addition, and I want to already be there.” And he said, you have to think, “Failure is not an option.” I said, “No it’s that kind of thinking (masculine) that brings me here. I have to think my intention, then release it (feminine), knowing it will manifest perfectly, according to the universe.” He said, “Come back in a couple days; I think one more treatment will fix you.”
3. As anyone who knows me personally or on Facebook will attest, I have been way too involved in politics . . . obsessively so. A numerologist told me, “Your job is to make the world more beautiful, not fix it politically.” She’s right. I carry the weight of the world’s problems on my shoulders, and then wonder why I can’t turn my head. My soul longs for everyone to love his neighbor and send that elevator back, after ascending each level. Too many would rather disable the elevator than send it back for the next person . . . and that kills my soul. My numerologist said my artist Self needs to leave those chores for the Warriors. "Can’t I be a warrior, too?" I asked her, but she said I don’t have the temperament. “You are here to create beauty and inspire in that way.” I promise myself I will stop. After the next election.
4. I realized, in addition to learning detachment, I am restoring my own soul. I wonder how many of us get into situations where we know we aren’t helping ourselves and think, “I’ll get myself out of this as soon as . . . “. In my case, I stayed 30 years too long. I love lighting, and I’m very glad I got a chance to see how designers and architects do their thing. I really do make the best of any situation. But I deprived my own artist from doing her thing because I didn’t think I was good enough. And I still don’t. But the writer in me knows that spelling it out to myself is the most therapeutic way to overcome my fears. And restore my soul.
5. Finally, I have really practiced being. Ever the doer, I equated sitting in a chair or doing one thing at a time almost a waste of time. If I wasn’t doing two things at once with a stream of thoughts about what else I could do, or at least do next, I beat myself mercilessly. And I could accomplish an array of tasks that would leave most people’s heads spinning. Why ever would I choose to only do ten things a day, if I could achieve fifteen? I think art has helped me slow down and see the essence of something, by itself or in relation to other things. I have to, if the composition will work. And, in creating art, I also learned it’s OK to be. I made a deal with myself to take three slow deep breaths, every time I become conscious of the moment. It is changing my life.
And allowing the next thing to happen.
On its own.