Heart.jpg

How do I talk about my life and the path I’ve chosen—to go after my dreams while I still have any—without talking about spirituality?  I don’t mean organized religion.  I’m talking about what keeps me running . . . where I go when the outside world gets too overwhelming and how I stay focused, when FEAR works overtime to suck me dry. I go inward to a place we all have, where all my answers lie. And I try to get real with myself.

There’s a fine line between answering an inner call and self-delusion.  And I constantly go from, I’m good at this.  It makes me happy.  And I know other people would feel this way if they took my class, or hired me to collage a wall, . . . to You are a total hack and weirdo.  Just because it works for you doesn’t mean people are going to PAY you to do it for them! Get a job!! At least I have narrowed the voices in my head down to two: the rebel and the self-nurturer.

I do believe in a DIVINE order to the universe.  I do believe in the perfection of life. I just need to tap into it. I also believe we, as a species, are on the cusp of a giant leap in consciousness.  IF we give ourselves (and others) permission to be.  IF we dare to allow all that we are to come forth and shine.

Some things in my life have come pretty easily to me. I used to feel guilty about winning, when it meant that someone else lost. But I’ve come to realize that maybe loss is nothing more than the Universe saying, This isn’t your calling, or vocation or path or relationship or _____________.  I certainly know that about the things I didn’t succeed at or win.

Are drive, determination, will, pushing, tenacity, not taking no for an answer, hard work, long work, Failure is not an option, (the stuff of endless sales meetings and Business Success books) keys to winning or the opposite of the heart’s calling and, instead, a prescription for stress.  Two trips to the ER told me I was doing something wrong.  Living with Patrick who is a pretty happy guy—because he chose from the start to do what he loves—has taught me maybe I can, too.

Patrick asked me to clarify that NO JOB is 100% happiness and bliss. Artists can (and do, in their own venting groups) experience frustration with clients, creative blocks, and fear that one day it will be all used up.  I actually stayed in corporate America for ten extra years by convincing myself that no job is perfect.  Mostly, I didn’t have the courage to go for it till now. I wasn’t ready.

So, I tell myself, in a couple years, when I’m a booming success, I WILL NOT ask myself why I didn’t do this sooner!